Jared Loughner--Every Parent's Secret Nightmare

One of my friends at work was saying this morning that every parent sees what happened with Jared Loughner and scares themselves to death.  Let's face is, whether we are great parents or rotten ones, our offspring bring some genetic traits that can cause them to get into tremendous trouble or, worse, like Jared, to commit unthinkable crimes.  And it's not all genes, of course.  Sometimes, despite good efforts, we don't do such a hot job of raising our children. We all have our flaws, or we had too many children, or that year when we got pretty depressed and the kids went by the wayside.  Most kids come out of our grasp unscathed, but in the case of people like Jared, environment and genes merged to create unthinkable violence.

No wonder, this friend said, that we can be so codependent with our children.  No wonder that, as teachers, it's easy to feel that it's up to us to be vigilant and save kids from a horrible plight, or--worse--save the world from this kid! We are frightened that, without the next handout of cash we give our child,  an amazing and costly education, and great and inexhaustable amounts of attention, our precious child might wander out of the parental fence and far afield.  They might end up in jail for a little while, or for three lifetimes.  They might end up with a misdemeanor, which wouldn't ruin their career, or a felony that could easily ruin it. This is what hangs in the balance, and it's all ripening when they are young and ridiculous and capable of such poor judgement.

Every family has one or two members with diagnosed problems.  Where were Jared's parents, we might ask with indignity, when he was so obviously unbalanced?  Why weren't they watching out for the kid?  Why didn't the Army do something about reporting his need for mental health assistance after they rejected him?  Somebody somewhere should do something!  But as life goes on, I realize more and more that controlling others still doesn't keep us safe, and it often keeps them even further out afield.   Parents with all the right intentions can coddle kids to the point where they have nothing to give to society.

I feel sad for Jared, even as I know what he did was unspeakable.  I guess his parents are pretty out there, but you know, they could be you or me, average bumbling idiots who try their best.  The kid with mental illness that we had no idea quite how to handle or control could have been dropped in our nest.